Hanging Lady: “Nervous?”
Ted Striker: “Yes.”
Hanging Lady: “First time?”
Ted Striker: “No, I’ve been nervous lots of times.”
– Airplane (the movie)
“It is better to travel well than to arrive”
Geez these seats are small. I feel like I’m inside an MRI machine. No wait, that’s unfair…my airline seat is only 18″ wide and the standard bore of one of those claustrophobic, closed MRI machines is over nineteen and a half inches
I’m sitting bolt upright and my knees are still pressed up against the seat in front of me…WTF!
Ah well, not to worry, I’m flexible (i do Yoga)…as long as I don’t breathe for the next ‘Four and a Half Hours’, I should be good
Besides, I’ll just eat my free inflight meal, watch a movie…what…what’s that…I don’t get a free meal? WTF!
When I first traveled to Vancouver aboard Wardair, I flew Economy class and received a free meal of Filet Mignon, roasted potatoes, green beans and a glass of red wine…and I got a second steak just by asking for it
(golly mom, look…real food)
I wonder what kind of dinners they serve nowadays?
‘Excuse me Stewardess, what kind of meal can I purchase?’
‘Tourde Au Marmalade’
Hmm, I think I’ll pass on that one (i’m pretty sure i can scrape something more appetizing off the floor of a subway train)
‘I’ll just have a bag of peanuts thanks. Peanuts are still free right?’ (no, they’re $3)
Geeziz Tapdancing Keeryst…three bucks for one of those little bags of peanuts?
Well, I guess I’ll just shut up and watch the free movie…what’s that…I gotta pay for the movie too?
‘No, thanks anyway…I don’t want to pay five bucks to see ‘Baggage Claim’
What the hell happened to air travel?
Is anything free?
After four hours of cramped, foodless and entertainment deprived air travel we fly into Ontario airspace. Suddenly, we hit some turbulence. The ‘Fasten Seat Belt’ sign lights up and Captain Seth comes over the intercom to reassure us
“Ahh…we’re experiencing a little turbulence…ahh…nothing to worry about…ahh…we should be safely through it in a few minutes…ahh…hope your all enjoying your flight and your ‘Tourde Au Marmalade'”
See Wendle, it’s pretty routine stuff
No cause for concern
Capt. Norris wouldn’t lie (would he)
Say…where the heck is our Stewardess?
The turbulence continues as we descend over Brampton and into Pearson International. From my tiny window I can see the lights of many other airliners ascending from and descending to the various runways. Man, those air traffic control guys are amazing. So calm…so cool
The turbulence continues. I tell Wendle that if this thing pitches over into a dive…I’m throwing up my hands and riding it in like a roller coaster (how very reassuring)
Relax…our pilot is a Pro
The flaps come down…the plane drops gently to the Tarmac and the engines reverse power. We’re still moving mighty fast but we’re almost home
All we have to do is let Capt. Seth dock this bad boy at the terminal
Great work Capt. Seth. You nailed it
“Ahh…this is your Captain again…ahh…we’ve just arrived at Pearson International Airport…ahh…Toronto time is 5.12pm (2.12pm BC time)…ahh…we had a little tailwind pushing us so we’re a ahead of schedule…ahh…we’ll just have to wait a bit now because they’re obviously not ready for us…ahh…I do want to take this opportunity to thank you for traveling with us today…enjoy your visit to Toronto”
We sit…waiting…in our cramped little ass buster seats for over twenty minutes before we’re allowed to get up, gather our belongings and stagger off the plane (now i remember why we drove across Canada)
Say Wendle…how much does is it cost to go Greyhound?
We’re going to go and wait for Wendy’s bag at the baggage claim. We’ll see all of you tomorrow
Moose and Wendle
Welcome to Toronto
Photo Credits (in order of appearance)
Airplane 2 – The Flight