The Lord of the Wheels – The Return of the Key

“I am glad you are here with me. Here at the end of all things, Sam.”

J.R.R. Tolkien – The Return of the King

So, the last we left it…(November 16 Post)

Michelle, in her truck and accompanied only by the stalwart and true; Momma Samwise Gamjee, had journeyed West, to Rosslyn (her sister’s place) where, at The Council of Elron (a family meeting), it was decided the Fifth Wheel need be taken to Mount Doom and destroyed


One Wheel to rule them all, One Wheel to find them,

One Wheel to bring them all and in the darkness bind them

In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie.”

Michelle volunteered to embrace the Fifth Wheel and direct it to it’s final destination atop Mount Doom…and the Fellowship of The Wheel (still consisting only of Michelle and her Mom) was formed

After traveling many dusty and dangerous roads (Hwy. 1 W.) and surviving Nazgul and a grungy windshield, the pair had arrived in the legendary Elven city of Lothlorien (Calgary) to rest and fully recuperate

Now, with only a tank full of cheap gas ($1.02 per litre) and two bags of Elven cheese curds (one garlic and one regular) from ‘Thunder Oaks Cheese Farms’ (boy these Elven names are hard to pronounce) our intrepid heroes set out once again, upon their journey West

Their plan was to go from Calgary to Lake Louise, trek up Mount Doom, destroy the Fifth Wheel and return to Calgary…

…and that is just what they did…

End of story.

What’s that? You want to hear how it happened? You want to know how it ended? Alright…sheesh, you just had to ask


The duo left Lothlorien early on the morning of a beautiful day, bound for the Mountains and Lake Louise. The skies were blue and as vacant as the roads they traveled upon

As they climbed into the Mountains, they were amazed by the vast, majestic beauty of the natural vistas, hitherto unknown to little Hobbits from the Shire (aka – Hamilton, ON)

The deeper onto the Mountain they trekked, the darker the skies became. Snow soon covered the ground and the paths became slippery. Surely the darkest of magic was at work here and the Hobbits were very afraid

Gathering their courage, and relying on Momma Gamjee’s strength, they proceeded slowly up the mountain, creeping along the torturous and icy trail. Suddenly…just minutes from their destination…one of the other four wheels slipped on the frozen sheet of water…and t
he back end of the truck spun out

They slid…into the passing lane, smashed into a cement barrier, bounced off, and were struck by a little Ninja that had been following them

(what’s that…it wasn’t a ninja? so, what was it? okay…)

…and were struck by a little ‘Nissan’, that had been following them

They bounced off the Nissan, back into the cement barrier again and finally stopped…sideways, across the Trans Canada Highway with a transport truck bearing down on them

How that truck avoided them, we’ll never know…but it did…and our two friends walked away…

…Unhurt (really, they weren’t hurt)

And as they did so…the plow / sander drove past mockingly

Soon two knights rode up. One, named ‘Caa’, riding a vehicle that tows and the other, a mounted knight of Rohan, wearing their customary red, serge coat, riding breeches and knee high leather boots (a Mountie from Banff)

The Fifth Wheel had been destroyed (as we’re the other four, the fenders, doors, etc…) and the Mounted Knight was nice and helped to “make a shitty situation better” (those Hobbits really cuss a lot)

Our little friends were finally safe. Now, they could return to their lives

The Fifth Wheel had been destroyed forever (preciousss!) never to terrorize the land again

After a tearful farewell, Momma Samwise Gamjee returned to the Shire, to continue raising a fine family. Frodo would never forget how Momma Gamjee had been there, throughout the journey, “so thankful she was here for everything because I don’t think I could have handled that on my own right after I moved here.”

As for Frodo…

Well…Michelle took the money she’d received as payment for smashing the living hell out of the Fifth Wheel and remained with the Elves in Lothlorien, where she lives to this day…looking for new adventures (and a new car)

And we’ll tell you all about those tall tales as word of them reaches our ears

‘The END’

(of The Beginning)

Goodnight all

Moose and Wendle


Here are the other Four Wheels


Photo Credits

Steering Wheel –

Map of Middle Earth –

I’m just so excited –

Sam carrying Frodo –

Broken Wheel –

The Truck – Michelle Galoni


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